Candy

I was looking at the top of the tent, the sun gleaming through the thin fabric, seemingly wanting to warm my face.

Shallow breath in and out and in and out.

My cousin’s laughter, words, telling me something. It’s a secret. Don’t tell anyone. This is a secret. Smell of something sweet, taste too. Don’t tell them.

My little red shoes are tossed about, one half way out of the tent propped in my grandma’s garden.

In and out, in and out — I need to breathe quickly. I know how I’ll feel soon, soon…. My body will get warm and this crazy feeling will go through it.. I’ll feel so strange and confused and ashamed.. so much shame. But she wants me, now.. someone wants me..

I touch the side of the tent with my small fingers. It’s coarse and rough.. I touch her too. There’s the warmth..

This, this tent-thing, I bought it for a single sweet, for one rolled up delight. She spoke then “go get me candy from upstairs if you want a kiss.” And I did…. So much.. I really really did…. I wanted what that candy could buy me, even if it was bad, I knew it was bad, somehow.. because.. because, it was a secret?

Our little secret.